Should Totally Punch Somebody
by 1seddiefan
Summary: For as long as Dean can remember, his mother used to tell him, 'you should totally punch him.' Now he gives advice to people that involves punching something. Will it rub off on his friends, Blake, Dylan, and Alex? A series of snippets to form this one-shot.


A/N: I have no clue how this came about, except for scrolling through some pictures I had saved to my computer, some involved 'stabbing Julius Caesar.' Yeah, I don't know either.

So this idea came, but instead of stabbing, it involves punching.

* * *

><p><em><em><span>Some years ago<span>__

When Dean was six, it was the first and last time he came home crying. His mother, Robin, looked at her son, annoyed. Like any good mother should.

"What?" Robin asked.

"Some kids were calling me Trailer Trash." Dean said, in between sobs.

Robin sighed and gently pushed her son onto the ratty couch. "You should totally punch them."

Dean wiped away the tears and looked at his mom confused. "What?"

Robin felt her eye twitch, "Did I fucking stutter?"

Dean shrank back into the couch, "No."

"You should totally punch those fucking morons," Robin said.

Dean looked at her, "Do you punch Tim?"

Robin hesitated with her answer, "When he pisses me off."

"Did you punch Dad? Is that why he left us?" Dean asked.

"No, I didn't punch him. Except once," Robin said.

"Then why did he leave?" Dean asked.

Robin rubbed her face, "He'll come back. In eleven years." Robin praised the Lord when her son didn't ask any more stupid questions.

The next day at school, Dean was sitting on a swing. The other swings were taken.

"Hey, Trailer Trash, get off the swing," A boy said. Dean looked up at him.

__You should totally punch him,__ his mom's words repeated in his mind.

Dean stood up and punched him, "Stop calling me Trailer Trash, bitch."

It was totally worth getting in trouble. That boy left Dean alone.

Two years later, Robin had found out what Dean's third grade teacher was doing to her third grade students. She ignored it at first, and then her son had been a victim of that bitch's creepiness. She totally punched that bitch in the face. It was worth getting placed in jail, totally worth it. She didn't want her son to say she didn't do anything nice for him years down the road. If only it was just one thing.

* * *

><p><em><em><span>Present<span>__

Dean was awoken by hearing his phone ringing. He damned the fact that he told his friends to call him at any time of night to bitch to him about their problems that they encounter at one in the morning. He damned the fact that it's one in the goddamn morning.

He answered the cell phone with a groggy, "Hello?"

"My blanket isn't covering my feet," Dolph Ziggler whined.

Dean pulled at his blanket. It was weighed down by his kidnapped dog Morpheus and his kittens Hades and Hestia. "Your blanket is being a dick head. You should punch it."

"What?" Dolph replied. He was trying to figure out why Dean told him to punch a blanket.

"Get the fuck to sleep," Dean said and hung up.

* * *

><p>Dean wasn't expecting Blake to call as he was getting dressed before his match with Dolph that's against Brock Lesnar and Big Show.<p>

"What?" Dean asked, putting the wrist tape down.

"There are squirrels fighting outside my window," Blake said. "They woke me up."

__He's not stupid or innocent. How the hell is he confusing fighting with…__Dean thought and decided to voice that out loud. "Blake, I know you can act naïve, but you're not stupid." Dolph looked at Dean confused.

"Thanks, I guess." Blake replied confused.

"The squirrels aren't fighting," Dean said.

"Oh my god," Blake said as he caught onto what Dean meant.

"You should totally punch the squirrels," Dean said and hung up before Blake can reply.

* * *

><p>"People love to say that I'm arrogant," Dolph said to JBL. "Then I think that I'm arrogant at times too. When I do think I am, I realize that Julius Caesar was more arrogant. He got captured by Cicillican Pirates. They held a ransom of 650 kilograms of silver for him. Caesar got mad and demanded 1,550 kilograms of silver instead, because he thought he was worth more. He also recited his poetry to them."<p>

Dean just nodded, like he used to when he was in high school and was in his math class.

"He also named a month after him and his nephew. You know July and August," Dolph continued.

"We should totally punch Caesar," Dean said. He was busy twisting and untwisting a piece of taffy-wrapper that he put in his pocket.

"As opposed to what?" JBL asked, "Stabbing him?" He was looking at the taffy wrapper that Dean was playing with.

"Somebody ate sarcastic flakes this morning," Dean replied. He took off the headset and grabbed JBL's hat. He ran off with it as Dolph looked at the commentators, confused.

* * *

><p>"So Hitler decided to bomb," Blake's 'Freshman Studies' teacher Mrs. Taylor said, pointing to a map of the UK. She motioned to the Poland area, "Poland."<p>

Blake thought, "We should totally punch Hitler."

There was a silence. Blake noticed that Mrs. Taylor and his classmates were looking at him. They seemed a bit surprised to know that he can talk or know how to talk.

__Am I really that quiet?__ Blake thought confused.

From the back of the classroom, there was a tiny voice saying, "Oh my god. That's what his voice sounds like."

__I just said that out loud,__ Blake thought a little horrified at saying that. __I can't believe I said that out loud.__

* * *

><p>Dolph, Roman, and Dean stood by watching the viewing TV. Seth was fighting Adam Rose.<p>

"What the hell is that gimmick even about?" Dean asked.

"I like his party gimmick he just needs to get rid of his beard. And get rid of some those clowns." Dolph said and Roman nodded in agreement.

Dean cringed as that stupid bunny went all 'bad touch' on Seth. He pushed down some of the memories that cropped up from when he was in third grade.

Roman and Dolph winced. Roman said, "Somebody should totally punch that bunny."

Dolph nodded in agreement, cringing.

* * *

><p>"It's hot in my room," Dylan said to Alex over the phone. He had his cell phone pressed between his ear and shoulder. He was riffling through his dresser looking for…he actually forgot what he was looking for.<p>

"Okay?" Alex replied, sounding confused.

"Why is my room hot?" Dylan whined.

"Maybe it's because you're in there," Alex said. He was scrolling through cheesy pick-up lines online just to laugh at.

Dylan felt his cheeks heat up, "Seriously. Why is it hot in my room?"

Alex shrugged, "Maybe your room is actually a portal to Hell because Satan thinks you're a cutie. So now he's reaching up from the depths of Hell to touch that booty," Alex said.

"I should totally punch Satan in the face," Dylan said.

"You should totally punch Satan in the face," Alex agreed.

* * *

><p>"I think that Dean isn't that crazy," Dolph said to JBL, watching as Dean literally ran across the top rope just to drop kick Rusev.<p>

"Of course you think that," JBL said.

"I think its how some people act in an odd way, which causes them to get labeled crazy," Dolph said.

"So, you're saying is that's how he acts?" JBL said.

"No. He believes that what he does is normal, people just look down on him," Dolph said, watching as Rusev seems to be gearing up to put Dean through his own personal Hell. Dolph slowly started getting up. "I should totally punch Rusev." He removed the headset and ran in the ring to deliver a punch to Rusev.

* * *

><p>It wasn't weird that Seth and Roman were fighting against Miz and Damien. Actually it was more like Roman and Seth against Miz. Seth watched as Damien mimicked everything Miz did. He felt a bit bad that Damien wasn't even fighting anymore.<p>

__We should totally punch Miz to knock some sense into him,__ Seth thought. It wasn't much of a fight since Miz wouldn't tag in Damien because he was more popular.

Apparently Roman decided to let Miz get a few hits on him.

"You should totally punch Miz, Roman!" Seth shouted at Roman.

Roman did just that and Seth watched as Damien run into the ring to fall down like Miz. Seth watched as Roman pinned Miz and they won. All Seth could do was face-palm and shake his head. __This was a fucking pathetic match,__ Seth thought.

* * *

><p>AN: So, I'm really annoyed about the Miz not allowing Damien to fight, took away Damien's tag-team belt, and Slammy.

I want to take Damien and be like, 'You should be team up with Dean and Dolph in this fanfic-verse.' Maybe I will.

So, have a Merry Christmas dear readers.


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